Angela May 24th 2006
Cancer rapes you. It
enters your organs without permission and then attacks relentlessly and beats you. It
kicks and punches the pit of your stomach and scratches and grates your bones. It
bites the walls of your veins and arteries, suffocates your lungs and blackens your heart.
As the assault goes on you feel deadened and helpless and full of despair and suddenly, when it can get no worse there
is a flash. A memory of the past, a glimpse of the future. Suddenly there is hope.
I saw my daughter’s smile and I realised that I wasn’t
prepared to let her travel through the early years of her life without me! I pledged right them that I would fight back. I would stand up to my rapist, suffocate the dividing cells and use my body like a
gun and medicine like a bullet and I would not rest until I had destroyed every single one.
That night my sleep was restless and I was wide awake at
five in the morning. From my bedroom window I could see a field and the farm
beyond and then the patchwork of British countryside blending in the distance with the sea and then the sky. Last year the
field had been ablaze with mustard colour rapeseed. I wondered what visual treat
was in store for my eyes this year. How lucky was I to wake up to such a wonderful
view. I wasn’t about to give all that up for a few over eager cancer cells.
I sat on my bed and tried to come to terms with what had
happened in the last twenty four hours. I said the word out loud,
“CANCER!” and then again, “CANCER! CANCER!
CANCER! CANCER! CANCER!”
I don’t know why I kept repeating the word. I think it was my way of coming to terms with what I had known all along.
Just as I had been certain that my lump was dangerous, I
was also certain that I would get through this hiccup in my life.
A life that I intended to live a fully as I could.
Bring it on!
